What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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