I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
