I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
