I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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