She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
