Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
