Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I lost the right to judge tonight
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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