Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
