At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
