how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
