Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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