I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
