don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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