Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
