Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
