She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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