You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
