he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
