I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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