lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
