dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
