Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
