pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
