I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
