I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
