If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
