12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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