Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize