The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
