i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
