omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
