is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
