Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
