I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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