Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
