I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
