Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
