last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
