Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
