I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
