he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
