they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
