so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
did i just pee glitter
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
