Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
