i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Acid is not a monday night drug
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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