I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
