so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Small penises have feelings too.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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