when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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