I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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