You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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