i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
