nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
