Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
