WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize