alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
His nipple licking is glorious
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