True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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