Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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