two words: eviction party
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
