Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
3pm strippers are depressing
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
