i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
