3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Will you blow on my dice?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
