I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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