i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
