it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
