did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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