I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
