Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
