God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
