I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
