Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
pray to the hookup gods
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
